He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
