I accidentally had phone sex last night
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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