mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize