You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
