you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
