theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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