You made me cry and you don't even care
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
