My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
