the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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