I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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