I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
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make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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