He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip