totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.