I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober