I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.