my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
