The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
