im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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