So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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