Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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