My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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