whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
