we have pet lesbian snakes
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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