I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She told me I should be a condom model.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
