So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
