matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
