I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
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I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
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He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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