but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
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I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
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He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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