You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
