Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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