I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
