I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
this hospital has no fireball
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
