I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
