i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
