You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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