Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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