Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
