Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
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He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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