oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
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five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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