He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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