I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
