How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Is Oprah even human
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
