I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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