i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
