there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
