winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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