shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
cat food counts as protein by the way
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize