Can i not drive my cunt home
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
