I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
