i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
