I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
