Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
