I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
