They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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