i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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