I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
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I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
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Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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