we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.