I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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