Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We are all done wearing pants today
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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