i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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