Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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