dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
